Ever Have Your Spouse Try to Fix Your Problems?

I love Spouse.

I really, truly do.

But he's a man, and I suspect the male of our species is hard-wired to fix things (unless it's a leaky faucet or that broken' toilet paper holder that he can never be bothered to use when he reaches the end of the roll, anyway).

If there's one thing that drives me NUTS, it's Spouse's response to my expressing a "problem" I'm having. Now let me make myself perfectly clear what I mean when I say "problem." I'm not talking about a problem with him (like never putting his used glass in the dishwasher); that's the sort of problem I mention, he acknowledges, and then ignores. 

Rinse and repeat until wife either goes stark raving mad or surrenders.

No, the types of problems I'm talking about are those little issues that may creep up with people I know or those with whom I'm working on a project. Or - and this is more typical - I'm having an issue with myself or my circumstances - like droopy self-esteem or a desire to slap myself in frustration because I can't seem to conquer ____________ [fill in your annoying situation]. 

I am sharing these thoughts and feelings because I want to let them out. I am not sharing them because I need Spouse to fix either the problem or me. Sometimes I just keep something to myself simply because I get annoyed just thinking about what he's going to advise me to do as soon as I pause for breath.

No, all I want is for him to LISTEN to me complain. The only response I want is (a) solid (preferably believable) refutation of my self-disgust (insist that I am not a card-carrying member of Loser Mommies Anonymous); (b) complete and total agreement with my position (agree that my committee co-chair is a hideous cow who should be beaten with a stick - and the sooner the better!); or (c) adamant support (tell me you believe I have it in me to confront and conquer [whatever] and ask me about my gameplan - but don't try to improve upon it at that moment).

And cuddling.

I want lots and lots of cuddling. 

Recap: Listen. Support. Cuddle. That's not so hard, is it?

Apparently this is nigh on to impossible for men. It seems to go against their genetic blueprint. But I stumbled upon a terrific article this morning, and I've emailed it to Spouse. This article was such a gem I thought I'd share it with all the other women in my life who experience this same problem with the men in their lives.

Read How to Really Listen - which is written by a man and is totally spot on.

Thanks for stopping and have a blessed day!

Deborah 

Comments

[madcat2002]

Excellent post and article, Deborah. If I may give you two responses, please accept b and c from your list above. Have a wonderful day.

[Linda C Baker]

Wow Deborah! I can totally relate. Why do men not understand this simple concept! I am going to read the article and share with my hubby! :)

[Pam]

Great article! I told my husband for twenty years I only needed him to listen to me not to fix it. Finally he would start asking or sometimes stating, "You only want me to listen, right?" Men are trainable, but the process can take and EXTREMELY LOOONG time!

[Mandee]

Thanks. I sent this to my husband.

[Greta H]

Wow--he really got it! Thanks for sharing this.