Me and The Plan

Okay, I think I'm about to pitch a fit.

This last week has just been Outrageous.

OUTRAGEOUS, I say!

In addition to being too busy to breathe, I have lost not one, not two, but THREE (yes, count 'em THREE) blog entries because the internet is an evil place and I am a ninny for not writing my entries in Word and then cut and pasting it into the blog.

So this time, I am going to leave this wretched site and compose in the safe and hospitable environment that is Word.

 

I am now in Word. And to be extra safe, I am going to Save My Work every three minutes.

I was last found having some sort of neurotic reaction to the lack of caper appreciation at the local grocery. Of course, I was stressed as I had forgotten that it was the day of the Annual Church Picnic and, that being the case, I was required to produce a homemade Covered Dish or Dessert.

 

(Which I did not have and could not make because of my ridiculous schedule and brainless lollygagging earlier that morning.)

 

However, I had concocted A Plan while I was fretting my way through the grocery store. If I could stay very focused for the next 90 minutes, I had a chance of succeeding. It was quite simple, really. All I had to do was get to Praise Band rehearsal before church; sing, sing, sing at Praise Band rehearsal; then sing, sing, sing some more for regular choir rehearsal; then REALLY sing, sing, sing, SING in Praise Band before church (and try not to mess up spectacularly by losing focus, but which I ended up doing anyway when I dropped lyrics because singing about the Lamb of God made me think of this Gyros I had in San Francisco that came with capers, and how on earth could that grocery store manager not know what a caper was?!)

 

Although God is all-forgiving, I know that if somebody else were in charge, it would probably be considered heresy to mentally link the Lamb of God with a sandwich. They would just hand you a “Go directly to Hell” card and that would be it. Fire and Brimstone for eternity because you equated the Lord with lunch meat. (Personally, I like to think this sort of human idiocy entertains Him – kind of like the way my daughter sings “Hal-a-LU-la” or when she thought “Amazing Grace” was all about her (her given name is Grace.)  

 

And speaking of losing focus… where was I?

 

Oh yes, I would then attend church long enough for the Call to Worship, two hymns, the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, the children's sermon, the Scripture reading, the offering, the Doxology, and the choral presentation, but NOT for the sermon or communion because NOW is when The Plan kicks in. I will race home and make my Extra-Special Pasta Salad during Sunday School and will arrive, breathless but RADIANT, with my homemade Covered Dish at the Annual Church Picnic.

 

Which is not really a Picnic, to be honest, since we don’t eat outside. We eat inside because... well, I actually don’t know why we eat inside. We have a nice covered brick shelter with a dandy barbeque pit. But, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it in use. Well, I think we might have stood an amplifier on it last June when Praise Band performed at the Evangelical Committee’s Ice Cream Social…. Anyway, we eat inside, but then we go outside for our Hillbilly Golf Tournament and classic picnic games. 

 

All in all, I think we call it the Annual Church Picnic because the Annual Church Luncheon Followed By The Hillbilly Golf Tournament is just too much of a mouthful.

 

No pun intended.

 

As luck would have it, I DID manage to waltz in the door with seconds to spare.  Unfortunately, however, I put my Extra-Special Pasta Salad next to a very large pan of au gratin potatoes that I later learned were made by Marge Coffin, so it immediately turned into Get-That-Out-Of-The-Way-So-We-Can-Get-At-The-Good-Stuff Pasta Salad.

 

(Which is totally okay as this means more leftovers for me!)

Comments

[Cathy A]

Deborah, what is lollygagging...forgive my ignorance but it is not a word I have heard used here in the UK?

[Judy Jung]

OK, Deborah. NOw you have done it. After reading your very funny tale of letting your mind wander to gyros at the mention of the Lamb of God in church, I sat down at my desk to stamp and punched the on button on my Bose cd player to listen to the uplifting hymns I play while I stamp. Well, imagine my reaction when "Glorify the Lamb" began to play!! Like you, I hope God sees the humor in this.......or else we will need a ticket for two to Hell. Judy