Okay, I'm used to a certain amount of mayhem taking place in my absence... every dish in the cupboard scattered throughout the house, dirty clothes draped over every surface, empty chip bags and other trash abandoned in the heat of a Wii battle....
Yes, I've come home to quite a large mess before, but this was the first time I came home to find the front porch split in half.
Yes. You read that correctly: the front porch was split in half. And since the front porch runs the width of the house, this is no mean feat!
This event took place on Thursday (the day I left town - I ALWAYS miss all the excitement, dang it)! According to the police - who were waiting in our yard when Spouse and Gigi showed up - there had been a very unusual hit-and-run accident, with our house being the third party in said incident.
A van with an older man and two passengers was heading west on our street. We assume he was doing the speed limit, but this is somewhat unrealistic as the east-west street lacks stopsigns, and 90% of the vehicles are manned by would-be Nascar drivers. But it would hardly have mattered whether the van was abiding the law as the other car was not.
The other car was driving south at about 50 MPH and zipped right through the stop sign, thereby hitting the van and sending it through our yard and right into the eastern half of the front porch.
The speeding car careened into the neighbor's yard across the street, where its driver emerged with a grapefruit-sized lump on his head. He checked to make sure the van's passengers were all okay, and then fled the scene on foot. ("Like a bat out of hell," according to one of the witnesses.) The police think he may have been stealing the car - which would explain his excessive speed and later abandonment of the vehicle.
So now an insurance adjuster must visit to determine the cost of replacing a 9" x 40" concrete porch, the posts, and the front door (which will no longer close properly), and to discern whether any permanent damage was done to the foundation blocks on that corner of the house.
Luckily, none of us are porch-sitters, and it looks like no passengers were seriously injured, so we'll just store this under Bizarre Porch Episodes. It will be joining thattime a deranged woman sat down on the top step of our porch on Madison, removed her right shoe, and proceeded to have a long and involved discussion with her foot... after which she calmly stole a very large hanging basket of flowers.
I didn't think we'd ever top that one.
It seems I was wrong, though!
Thanks for stopping and have a blessed day!
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