Well... after six weeks of being sick, I think I may live.
I visited my GP on December 23 with a terrible cough and a vague desire to die. I was diagnosed with a dandy case of Bronchitis. The doctor prescribed wonder drugs and all was well.
Or almost well. My body was exhausted, so the Bronchitis took its toll. I was laid up for all of Christmas break and was unable to complete a comprehensive plan for my spring classes. And then, no sooner did school start... and I was sick again!
Same terrible cough - only this time it was accompanied by pain - having-an-ice-pick-slammed-into-the-lower-right-quadrant-of-my-skull kind of pain, in fact. (Now I had more than a vague desire to die, I can assure you.) The diagnosis? Sinusitis.
ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME?!
Okay, fast-forward two weeks. I think I've beaten the Sinusitis but juuuuuust to be on the safe side, I want to post the following Public Service Announcement:
Attention, please! I feel that I've done my share for the whole virus/cold/flu bug community, and I must politely (but firmly) inform any future guests that I am no longer available to host future conventions in 2015.
I understand that this may pose an inconvenience for some of you, but I think you'll find equally pleasant accommodations in any one of my neighbors' bodies. (I highly recommend the guy across the street - his volatile stomach promises non-stop action for the adventure-seeking germ.)
Once again, Human Host Deborah is no longer accepting germ reservations, guests, or events for the rest of 2015. We thank you for your cooperation and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
I was apologizing to my friend Darnell for my slow response to her email, and I saw that I had written:
I have a mountain of email to dig out from under.
As you may or may not know, an alleged Churchillian quote is this one:
That is the sort of nonsense up with which I shall not put!
Churchill was actually not being a grammar snob but was, in fact, responding to an editor's correction of one of his sentences that ended with a preposition. The correction, apparently, resulted in a rather ridiculous sentence so Churchill responded in kind.
Sir Winston Churchill died 50 years ago last week, so in honor of his memory, (and wit) I hereby dedicate this sentence:
I have a mountain of email out from under which I must dig.
I've been diagnosed with a bacterial infection and have been ordered to stay in bed and take drugs until Monday or else my legs may fall off.
Or something like that.
I suppose I should be grading papers right now, but I'm in a snotty mood and feel it's dangerous for me to be wielding a red pen at present - especially after some of the atrocious informative speeches I've had to listen to this week. (Frankly, some of them need all the help they can get, so I'll just do a blog post instead.)
I found a video clip the other day that will give you a good idea of my teaching style. The gal in the video may be a flight attendant and I may be a Public Speaking teacher, but we're both in the same pickle: making a disinterested audience listen to dry and somewhat boring material. She tackles the problem the same way I do - with humorous patter.
Check it out:
Hope I get Marty the next time I fly Southwestern!